Standing Alone

Have you ever been through some sort of situation or dealt with something in your life that made you feel totally alone? You may have felt like it was wrong to get upset about whatever was bothering you, or you may have felt that you were the only one who has ever experienced this?

With 10 years of experience under my belt in the field of Counseling I can say with certainty that most people seem to think that they are the only ones that are going through whatever it is that they're dealing with. They (meaning most people) feel they are the "weird" ones and that there is something wrong with them for feeling the way that they feel. So many people think that they "shouldn't" be upset, that they have no right to cry, that what they're going through is either no big deal, or it is the end of the world. It's great when my clients seem to really feel comforted when I tell them that they are "normal" and that what they're feeling is valid, but do they really need me to tell them that? Why is it that we all need our feelings to be validated by someone else in order to feel okay? It has amazed me how this is consistent across the board---I'm talking about elementary, middle, and high school kids all the way up to middle-aged men and women. It's a shame that so many of us seem to believe that our feelings are not valid or that we are "crazy" for having problems or feeling anxious or depressed, but I think it's important for people to know that it's okay. You're not alone, as much as you may feel that you are. There is someone out there who has already experienced what you are experiencing, and someone has already found a solution (in most cases) to what you are dealing with. So hang in there, believe in yourself and your feelings, and find support, because it is always out there, whether in the form of a family member, friend, support group, organization, therapist, religious leader, etc.  The lesson here: you're just a human being like the rest of us, so stop being so hard on yourself. Accept that you have feelings, will go through challenges, and may need support like the rest of us. Don't allow yourself to feel as alone as a giant pink flamingo among a bunch of little ducks. Take care of yourself by getting the support and help that you need to get through the challenges that you face, whether they seem humongous or teeny tiny and insignificant.

Feel The Burn

Have you ever worked out really hard, or run so many miles that you feel pain in your muscles, either immediately or for the next day or two? It feels good to experience that pain sometimes, right? Your body is letting you know that you really got something out of that hard work and didn't sweat for nothing. Your muscles are growing and toning, and you are able to feel the healthy effects of your physical exertion.

Well, emotional growth is very similar. Sometimes in life we go through things that are difficult and may be very painful. Whether it be a fight with a friend or family member, a divorce or breakup, a loss, or any other painful situation, there is always something that can be gained from every situation. The hardest times let us have the opportunity to search inside ourselves for the strength and resiliency to get through it, and hopefully to come out of it a better person than we were before.

It can be much easier to just try to bury your feelings, tell everyone that you're okay, and try to ignore the situation and just move on. If you're doing this, however, you're missing out on a great opportunity to grow as a person. Whether it means learning a lesson about yourself, your behavior, or others, something can always be gained.  The pain that you're feeling could mean that a chord has been struck in you, indicating that this is a sensitive area that should be looked at further. It could mean that you are experiencing a "fight or flight" response and protecting yourself from perceived danger of some sort, whether realistic or not. Ignoring your emotions can be harmful to your health because you may be suppressing feelings that need to be expressed or communicated. At times, letting yourself "feel the burn" of your emotions can simply mean getting through a difficult time even if there is no opportunity for a change, such as when a loved one passes away.  You can still learn how to cope in a healthy way so that you will not have negative long-term consquences, and maybe next time you will feel empowered to get through the pain a little bit easier. Similar to feeling the physical pain of exercising, you may feel worse before you feel better when you decide to face your emotions and fears. In the end, however, you come out much stronger and capable of facing whatever gets thrown your way.

The next time you are experiencing emotional pain, ask yourself these questions to make sure that you benefit from the experience rather than either getting stuck in your pain or stunting your emotional growth.

• Am I telling everyone around me that I am "Okay" but then feeling upset or crying in private?
• Am I trying to bury myself with tons of distractors, such as booking every spare minute with social events, or working extra hours as to have little time alone?
• Have I been drinking more than usual? Using substances to numb my feelings and escape?
• Have I been sleeping more than usual?
• Am I getting irritable towards others and taking out negative feelings on others without actually communicating to them what is bothering me?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to take a look at how you are dealing with your emotions and difficult times and consider exploring this further. If you're not comfortable talking to people close to you about these issues, you may want to consider seeking some professional help to figure out how to feel your best and clear your head. Everyone deserves peace of mind!