Feel The Burn

Have you ever worked out really hard, or run so many miles that you feel pain in your muscles, either immediately or for the next day or two? It feels good to experience that pain sometimes, right? Your body is letting you know that you really got something out of that hard work and didn't sweat for nothing. Your muscles are growing and toning, and you are able to feel the healthy effects of your physical exertion.

Well, emotional growth is very similar. Sometimes in life we go through things that are difficult and may be very painful. Whether it be a fight with a friend or family member, a divorce or breakup, a loss, or any other painful situation, there is always something that can be gained from every situation. The hardest times let us have the opportunity to search inside ourselves for the strength and resiliency to get through it, and hopefully to come out of it a better person than we were before.

It can be much easier to just try to bury your feelings, tell everyone that you're okay, and try to ignore the situation and just move on. If you're doing this, however, you're missing out on a great opportunity to grow as a person. Whether it means learning a lesson about yourself, your behavior, or others, something can always be gained.  The pain that you're feeling could mean that a chord has been struck in you, indicating that this is a sensitive area that should be looked at further. It could mean that you are experiencing a "fight or flight" response and protecting yourself from perceived danger of some sort, whether realistic or not. Ignoring your emotions can be harmful to your health because you may be suppressing feelings that need to be expressed or communicated. At times, letting yourself "feel the burn" of your emotions can simply mean getting through a difficult time even if there is no opportunity for a change, such as when a loved one passes away.  You can still learn how to cope in a healthy way so that you will not have negative long-term consquences, and maybe next time you will feel empowered to get through the pain a little bit easier. Similar to feeling the physical pain of exercising, you may feel worse before you feel better when you decide to face your emotions and fears. In the end, however, you come out much stronger and capable of facing whatever gets thrown your way.

The next time you are experiencing emotional pain, ask yourself these questions to make sure that you benefit from the experience rather than either getting stuck in your pain or stunting your emotional growth.

• Am I telling everyone around me that I am "Okay" but then feeling upset or crying in private?
• Am I trying to bury myself with tons of distractors, such as booking every spare minute with social events, or working extra hours as to have little time alone?
• Have I been drinking more than usual? Using substances to numb my feelings and escape?
• Have I been sleeping more than usual?
• Am I getting irritable towards others and taking out negative feelings on others without actually communicating to them what is bothering me?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to take a look at how you are dealing with your emotions and difficult times and consider exploring this further. If you're not comfortable talking to people close to you about these issues, you may want to consider seeking some professional help to figure out how to feel your best and clear your head. Everyone deserves peace of mind!

The Rollercoaster Otherwise Known as "The Holiday Season"

For some, the holidays are filled with happy and excited anticipation of gift giving and receiving, cooking and baking, parties, visiting with family and friends, singing songs, drinking and eating, and traveling to far-off destinations. For others, the thought of one or all of these activities can be anxiety-producing and fear-inducing to the point that their stress level skyrockets. Why would anyone fear the holidays? Well for starters, think about the financial situation that many are in right now. The thought of having to buy multiple gifts when they can barely pay their bills is enough to send some into a panic attack. If a fear of flying is involved, thinking about boarding a plane that is filled to capacity can cause someone to avoid making the trip altogether. Then there are the issues of being faced with tons of food during the Thanksgiving feast or other holiday dinner that can be quite stressful for those who may already be uncomfortable with their weight or just like to be health-conscious. Likewise, drinking alcohol is common for adults during the holidays and may pose problems for those who have trouble controlling their alcohol consumption or are admittedly alcoholics.

The holidays do not need to be a highly stressful time of year with some planning ahead and preparation. Sometimes the preparation involves doing certain things, such as taking away the need to spend a lot of money on gifts, and sometimes the preparation is within yourself- changing your own mindset so that you do not set yourself up for disaster and stress at this time of year. If you are dealing with the stress of feeling that you do not have enough money to shower your family and friends with gifts, try using some creativity this year. Most people love gifts from the heart that are personal and original. Dig deep inside yourself to discover the talents that you can share with others. For example, make a c.d. with their favorite songs; take a beautiful photograph and have it printed out and frame it; bake them something delicious; help them set-up a website or learn how to use a new gadget; or better yet, spend real, QUALITY time together, and that will be the best gift you could give. Turn off the phone, move the computer away, and give them your full attention while doing a fun activity together.

If the issue that you're struggling with is a fear of flying, work ahead of time on learning breathing exercises and meditation that can help to ease your anxiety during that time. If you're stressed about eating too much during the holidays, get yourself in shape ahead of time and practice saying "No thank you" so that you are able to set your own limits. If drinking is what has you worried about attending holiday events, similar to the issue of eating too much food, simply being able to decline offers for alcohol and taking something non-alcoholic can be enough, but if this is a serious problem for you, you may want to consider speaking to a professional about this.

Sometimes, all we need to do to feel better about a situation is to talk to ourselves. No, I don't mean walking around having full conversations with yourself in public, outloud, and scaring the kids. What I mean is putting things into perspective for yourself. If you're stressed about having to spend a lot of time with family, for example, make a list of things that you are grateful for. Outline the reasons why you are lucky this holiday season. Here is a sample list of thoughts you can think to yourself or write down to turn negative feelings into positives:

• I am lucky to be able to spend this time with family.


• I am fortunate to have these family members to visit.


• I am healthy and take care of myself, so I am going to let myself enjoy the food and desserts.


• I am not going to get upset over old family issues because this is a time of appreciation and to be thankful.


• I am going to have patience while traveling and spending time with family, or making my way through crowds.


• I am grateful that I am able to taste all the wonderful flavors and enjoy my food.


• I am grateful that I am surrounded by people who care about me.


• I am going to take the opportunity to express my appreciation and gratitude for others.

These are just a few examples of situations that may be stressful for some people during the holiday season. If you find that you are feeling highly depressed or anxious about any of these scenarios, you may want to consider speaking to a professional so that you are able to enjoy the upcoming holidays and nip those stressors in the bud. If you're in the San Diego area, I would be happy to set up a free consultation with you to see if there is something I can help you with to get you off of that rollercoaster and able to enjoy these times to the fullest!

How are you feeling about the upcoming holidays?

Make the end of the year a great one!