Standing Alone

Have you ever been through some sort of situation or dealt with something in your life that made you feel totally alone? You may have felt like it was wrong to get upset about whatever was bothering you, or you may have felt that you were the only one who has ever experienced this?

With 10 years of experience under my belt in the field of Counseling I can say with certainty that most people seem to think that they are the only ones that are going through whatever it is that they're dealing with. They (meaning most people) feel they are the "weird" ones and that there is something wrong with them for feeling the way that they feel. So many people think that they "shouldn't" be upset, that they have no right to cry, that what they're going through is either no big deal, or it is the end of the world. It's great when my clients seem to really feel comforted when I tell them that they are "normal" and that what they're feeling is valid, but do they really need me to tell them that? Why is it that we all need our feelings to be validated by someone else in order to feel okay? It has amazed me how this is consistent across the board---I'm talking about elementary, middle, and high school kids all the way up to middle-aged men and women. It's a shame that so many of us seem to believe that our feelings are not valid or that we are "crazy" for having problems or feeling anxious or depressed, but I think it's important for people to know that it's okay. You're not alone, as much as you may feel that you are. There is someone out there who has already experienced what you are experiencing, and someone has already found a solution (in most cases) to what you are dealing with. So hang in there, believe in yourself and your feelings, and find support, because it is always out there, whether in the form of a family member, friend, support group, organization, therapist, religious leader, etc.  The lesson here: you're just a human being like the rest of us, so stop being so hard on yourself. Accept that you have feelings, will go through challenges, and may need support like the rest of us. Don't allow yourself to feel as alone as a giant pink flamingo among a bunch of little ducks. Take care of yourself by getting the support and help that you need to get through the challenges that you face, whether they seem humongous or teeny tiny and insignificant.

10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Put It Off

It is very common for people to contemplate getting help long before they actually take the step to make a call to a professional for Counseling. The signs that we are in need of some assistance are not always obvious to us, so it can be easy to overlook this need. If your car runs out of gas, your car isn't going to run anymore so you are forced to get gas--this is a really obvious sign that there is a need that has to be addressed immediately. Likewise, if you break your leg and have a bone protruding out of it, you are likely to get yourself right to the doctor or hospital! When it comes to our mental and emotional health, however, we ignore signs, make excuses, feel embarrassed at times, or are just completely unaware that there is a problem that can be helped. Some of the signs that may be overlooked are feeling physically sick, being very tired, arguing more than you used to with those close to you, feeling lost in life, not wanting to get out of bed, having trouble focusing, having a racing heart rate, or just losing the motivation and drive to get things done. In order to help illustrate why it is to your advantage to get help sooner than later, I present you with 10 reasons why you should pay attention to the little warning signs that your body and mind are giving you that you need to seek some assistance. In no particular order:

1. If you are predisposed for a mental illness (i.e. you have a gene for a mental illness) then high levels of stress can trigger the mental illness(s).

If your parent has suffered from Depression, Anxiety, or Schizophrenia, to name a few, you want to make sure you keep your stress level down as much as possible.

2. You can feel much better about life if you did not have to deal with whatever has been bothering you.

Depression, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Eating Disorders, for example, often make you feel as if life is very diffucult and the challenges can feel endless.

3. You can be much healthier because your immune system will be stronger due to having balance in life and reducing stress.

For example, being treated for your Depression can help you to avoid getting ulcers in your stomach. Learning how to reduce your stress and cope with life's challenges can help you to reduce your chances of getting the flu that is going around or picking up colds often.

4. You are able to gain balance in your life because the problems that you are experiencing will be decreased, or gone.

You will have more time to enjoy recreational activities because you will be spending less time with compulsive rituals, or less time sitting around worrying because of anxiety, for example. You will be able to spend more quality time with your significant other because you are feeling good. You can give more attention to your kids because you have the energy to do so.

5. You can feel a decrease in physical (somatic) symptoms due to stress or mental illness such as headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension, dizziness, and lack of appetite, to name only a few.

Gaining knowledge of why you are not feeling great and gaining control through coping skills can give you a sense of control that renews your body's balance. Learning how to relax or even meditate can bring about feelings of peace in your body.

6. You can avoid damaging your relationships (including friendships, relationships with family members, romantic relationships, work relationships) due to a possible increase in anger, depression, and irritability that may have resulted from whatever is effecting you.

If you decrease your irritability, anger, sadness, and argumentativeness, then you will likely get along well with others.

7. You are able to see the good in your life more clearly and will feel grateful for the increased quality of life.

You will feel happier because you are feeling grateful. If you are grateful for what you have then you are less likely to feel negatively towards life.

8. You can feel supported and listened to by someone who is unbiased and trained to help and understand you with empathy.

Friends and family members may get annoyed after a while from hearing the same thing over and over and may feel helpless in the situation because they do not know how to help you. A professional would know how to help.

9. You can feel motivated and excited to set and achieve goals in life.

You may have been thinking vaguely for a long time about things that you "would" like to do, or wish you "could" do. Once you have taken care of your mental and emotional health, you are able to put forth energy to achieve those goals!

10. You will FINALLY understand why you have been feeling the way you have and will feel accomplished by having clarity and hope.

Gaining insight into WHY you feel the way you do, or why you think the things you think, and then getting help with figuring out HOW to feel better, is priceless....