Is It Me or Is It Them? Internal vs. External Locus of Control

As John F. Kennedy proclaimed many years ago, "...Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country..." Are you a DOER or a VICTIM?

It is easy to fall into the pattern of thinking where you feel like everything bad happens to you, or that you have no control over your life. Ever said to yourself, "Why me?" Sure--we all have! If you are always stuck in this way of thinking, it can lead to feelings of helplessness, anxiety, even depression. Some people look to outside sources, such as a higher power, to lead their lives and make decisions for them. Not to say that believing in a higher power and surrendering some of the control of your fate is bad, but often people get stuck in a "victim mentality" and tend to put the blame on other people, events, circumstances, etc. For some more information about victim mentality, please check out http://www.more-selfesteem.com/victim_mentality.htm

You could say that they have an External locus of control, as the control in their life is perceived as being outside of themselves. On the other hand, some people feel that they determine their own destiny, make their own decisions, and feel in control of their fate. If they take responsibility for what happens to them and take action proactively to reach goals and achieve their dreams, that would be considered an Internal locus of control. For further information about the definitions of both types of loci of control, check out http://wilderdom.com/psychology/loc/LocusofControlWhatIs.html .

It would be extremely rare to find a person who does not exhibit both ways of thinking at some point or another, but if your thinking is mainly that of an external locus of control, you could come across some problems. I would definitely be lying if I told you that I have never had an external locus of control, and have always taken responsibility for what has happened to me. To come to the realization that I have done this, and sometimes still catch myself doing it, is very empowering and helpful. Wait a second, so I DON'T have to sit on the coach with a box of chocolates feeling sorry for myself all the time? I can actually get up and make things happen? I can fix what is not right in order to make myself happy? Oooooooooh!!!! (Sorry for the sarcasm, but sometimes these sort of lightbulbs going off in our mind are what it takes to put us into action and feeling in control).

So now what? Maybe you have finally put two and two together and realized that you can relate to what I'm saying and you actually have been feeling sorry for yourself. You are probably meeting a need for yourself, such as receiving attention that may come from complaining and being down about life, but in the end it is not getting you what you want, which is probably happiness. We all want to be happy but sometimes we just have no idea how to get there. It seems like walls are constantly going up around us and every possible lead comes up to a dead end. Well try some of these tips to get yourself out of the rut that makes you feel that you have no control over your life or reaching your goals:

• Take care of your basic needs first: eat healthy, get exercise, sleep a sufficient amount, stay connected with friends and family, do things that you enjoy.
• Figure out what has helped you in the past and what has worked for you. Have you achieved a goal or felt good about communicating your needs to your partner? Have you spoken up to your boss and felt empowered and proud as a result? Did you receive any help from a professional?
• Continue to do those things that have worked for you in the past, such as being assertive, or being able to say "No" sometimes.
• Make a list of short and long term goals. Write down ways in which you are going to achieve your short term goals in small steps and write deadlines for yourself to provide structure and motivation. Keep long-term goals in mind so that you are striving for something bigger.
• Reward yourself for a job well done! Acknowledge that you have acheived a goal and let yourself feel great about it! Go out for a night on the town, or just tell those that support you and your goals. Do whatever makes you feel good about your accomplishment (healthy and legal things, of course!) and relish in your achievements.

Before long, you will realize that you have actually gained control of your goals and made them happen. Yes, there will always be obstacles in life but that is what makes us stronger. If you see them as opportunities to grow and learn something new, then you are off to a GREAT start!

Good luck!

10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Put It Off

It is very common for people to contemplate getting help long before they actually take the step to make a call to a professional for Counseling. The signs that we are in need of some assistance are not always obvious to us, so it can be easy to overlook this need. If your car runs out of gas, your car isn't going to run anymore so you are forced to get gas--this is a really obvious sign that there is a need that has to be addressed immediately. Likewise, if you break your leg and have a bone protruding out of it, you are likely to get yourself right to the doctor or hospital! When it comes to our mental and emotional health, however, we ignore signs, make excuses, feel embarrassed at times, or are just completely unaware that there is a problem that can be helped. Some of the signs that may be overlooked are feeling physically sick, being very tired, arguing more than you used to with those close to you, feeling lost in life, not wanting to get out of bed, having trouble focusing, having a racing heart rate, or just losing the motivation and drive to get things done. In order to help illustrate why it is to your advantage to get help sooner than later, I present you with 10 reasons why you should pay attention to the little warning signs that your body and mind are giving you that you need to seek some assistance. In no particular order:

1. If you are predisposed for a mental illness (i.e. you have a gene for a mental illness) then high levels of stress can trigger the mental illness(s).

If your parent has suffered from Depression, Anxiety, or Schizophrenia, to name a few, you want to make sure you keep your stress level down as much as possible.

2. You can feel much better about life if you did not have to deal with whatever has been bothering you.

Depression, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Eating Disorders, for example, often make you feel as if life is very diffucult and the challenges can feel endless.

3. You can be much healthier because your immune system will be stronger due to having balance in life and reducing stress.

For example, being treated for your Depression can help you to avoid getting ulcers in your stomach. Learning how to reduce your stress and cope with life's challenges can help you to reduce your chances of getting the flu that is going around or picking up colds often.

4. You are able to gain balance in your life because the problems that you are experiencing will be decreased, or gone.

You will have more time to enjoy recreational activities because you will be spending less time with compulsive rituals, or less time sitting around worrying because of anxiety, for example. You will be able to spend more quality time with your significant other because you are feeling good. You can give more attention to your kids because you have the energy to do so.

5. You can feel a decrease in physical (somatic) symptoms due to stress or mental illness such as headaches, stomach aches, muscle tension, dizziness, and lack of appetite, to name only a few.

Gaining knowledge of why you are not feeling great and gaining control through coping skills can give you a sense of control that renews your body's balance. Learning how to relax or even meditate can bring about feelings of peace in your body.

6. You can avoid damaging your relationships (including friendships, relationships with family members, romantic relationships, work relationships) due to a possible increase in anger, depression, and irritability that may have resulted from whatever is effecting you.

If you decrease your irritability, anger, sadness, and argumentativeness, then you will likely get along well with others.

7. You are able to see the good in your life more clearly and will feel grateful for the increased quality of life.

You will feel happier because you are feeling grateful. If you are grateful for what you have then you are less likely to feel negatively towards life.

8. You can feel supported and listened to by someone who is unbiased and trained to help and understand you with empathy.

Friends and family members may get annoyed after a while from hearing the same thing over and over and may feel helpless in the situation because they do not know how to help you. A professional would know how to help.

9. You can feel motivated and excited to set and achieve goals in life.

You may have been thinking vaguely for a long time about things that you "would" like to do, or wish you "could" do. Once you have taken care of your mental and emotional health, you are able to put forth energy to achieve those goals!

10. You will FINALLY understand why you have been feeling the way you have and will feel accomplished by having clarity and hope.

Gaining insight into WHY you feel the way you do, or why you think the things you think, and then getting help with figuring out HOW to feel better, is priceless....

The Rollercoaster Otherwise Known as "The Holiday Season"

For some, the holidays are filled with happy and excited anticipation of gift giving and receiving, cooking and baking, parties, visiting with family and friends, singing songs, drinking and eating, and traveling to far-off destinations. For others, the thought of one or all of these activities can be anxiety-producing and fear-inducing to the point that their stress level skyrockets. Why would anyone fear the holidays? Well for starters, think about the financial situation that many are in right now. The thought of having to buy multiple gifts when they can barely pay their bills is enough to send some into a panic attack. If a fear of flying is involved, thinking about boarding a plane that is filled to capacity can cause someone to avoid making the trip altogether. Then there are the issues of being faced with tons of food during the Thanksgiving feast or other holiday dinner that can be quite stressful for those who may already be uncomfortable with their weight or just like to be health-conscious. Likewise, drinking alcohol is common for adults during the holidays and may pose problems for those who have trouble controlling their alcohol consumption or are admittedly alcoholics.

The holidays do not need to be a highly stressful time of year with some planning ahead and preparation. Sometimes the preparation involves doing certain things, such as taking away the need to spend a lot of money on gifts, and sometimes the preparation is within yourself- changing your own mindset so that you do not set yourself up for disaster and stress at this time of year. If you are dealing with the stress of feeling that you do not have enough money to shower your family and friends with gifts, try using some creativity this year. Most people love gifts from the heart that are personal and original. Dig deep inside yourself to discover the talents that you can share with others. For example, make a c.d. with their favorite songs; take a beautiful photograph and have it printed out and frame it; bake them something delicious; help them set-up a website or learn how to use a new gadget; or better yet, spend real, QUALITY time together, and that will be the best gift you could give. Turn off the phone, move the computer away, and give them your full attention while doing a fun activity together.

If the issue that you're struggling with is a fear of flying, work ahead of time on learning breathing exercises and meditation that can help to ease your anxiety during that time. If you're stressed about eating too much during the holidays, get yourself in shape ahead of time and practice saying "No thank you" so that you are able to set your own limits. If drinking is what has you worried about attending holiday events, similar to the issue of eating too much food, simply being able to decline offers for alcohol and taking something non-alcoholic can be enough, but if this is a serious problem for you, you may want to consider speaking to a professional about this.

Sometimes, all we need to do to feel better about a situation is to talk to ourselves. No, I don't mean walking around having full conversations with yourself in public, outloud, and scaring the kids. What I mean is putting things into perspective for yourself. If you're stressed about having to spend a lot of time with family, for example, make a list of things that you are grateful for. Outline the reasons why you are lucky this holiday season. Here is a sample list of thoughts you can think to yourself or write down to turn negative feelings into positives:

• I am lucky to be able to spend this time with family.


• I am fortunate to have these family members to visit.


• I am healthy and take care of myself, so I am going to let myself enjoy the food and desserts.


• I am not going to get upset over old family issues because this is a time of appreciation and to be thankful.


• I am going to have patience while traveling and spending time with family, or making my way through crowds.


• I am grateful that I am able to taste all the wonderful flavors and enjoy my food.


• I am grateful that I am surrounded by people who care about me.


• I am going to take the opportunity to express my appreciation and gratitude for others.

These are just a few examples of situations that may be stressful for some people during the holiday season. If you find that you are feeling highly depressed or anxious about any of these scenarios, you may want to consider speaking to a professional so that you are able to enjoy the upcoming holidays and nip those stressors in the bud. If you're in the San Diego area, I would be happy to set up a free consultation with you to see if there is something I can help you with to get you off of that rollercoaster and able to enjoy these times to the fullest!

How are you feeling about the upcoming holidays?

Make the end of the year a great one!

Keep it Simple Stupid

Ever heard that saying, "Keep It Simple Stupid?" No, I am not calling you stupid. Sometimes you just have to keep things simple though, wouldn't you agree? These days it seems that life is becoming more and more complicated with the rapid technological developments that we face on a daily basis, the news reports of violence and tragedies, and the constant reminders of economic issues that we're facing. I don't know about you, but sometimes I just feel the need to get away from it all. Just take a break from the daily grind and escape into some sort of fun or relaxing activity. There are endless possibilities of what you can do to give your mind and/or body a break. At times you just need to "check out" so to speak to preserve energy and refuel your body and mind. If you use your imagination, you may come up with some ideas that you never even considered before. Think Five Year Old Child. Think Vacation. Think Daydreams. Here's a list of possible activities that you can do. Of course they are not all going to be a good fit for you, but this is just something to get you started. I would love to hear what you like to do to relax and unwind, or what you have been wanting to do. Then, no more excuses, go out and do it! Please share your suggestions in the comments box below!

• Blow bubbles
• Hula hoop
• Write in a journal
• Spend the day at the beach
• Go for a run
• Play a board game
• Go to a dog park and watch the dogs make friends
• Do a favor for a stranger
• Sing really loud in the car
• Visit an amusement park and ride the roller coasters
• Paint or draw
• Dance in the mirror
• Get a manicure or pedicure
• Go to a sporting event and yell. Really loud!
• Eat ice cream, with no guilt
• Call an old friend
• Shoot some hoops
• Look up street festivals or farmer's markets and visit one
• Color in a coloring book (you'd be surprised how relaxing it can be when you zone out!)
• Sleep late and watch movies
• Go sailing

Climb That Mountain of Fear!

My knees shook. My heart raced. I felt a little dizzy. I wondered what I was getting myself into. I tried to figure out how I might get out of the situation. "I can't do this," I thought to myself. What am I talking about here?

• Getting ready to have my harness attached to the rope that was going to send me gliding over a small canyon with nothing but some rocks and the rushing water of a river under me; my first time ziplining.


• Exiting the shuttle that brought me up the mountain in the Swiss Alps to go canyoning, which involved traveling down the mountain through its freezing cold melting snow waters via natural waterslides, repelling, jumping off a cliff into the water, and diving under a boulder to be pulled out of the other side by our guide.


• Boarding the plane by myself to move across the country in order to start a new life in a place where I had no job and no friends.

What did all of these events have in common? In each situation, I was facing a fear. Embarking into the unknown and challenging myself in ways that I didn't even know were possible for me to successfully accomplish. Each and every time that I have faced a challenge and successfully conquered it, I have felt exhilarated, more confident, and proud of myself. It has also broken down the fears, one by one, and given me a reference point to go to when I was faced with another challenge. "Well if I could do THAT, I can do anything!" I have often thought that to myself. Now I'm NOT suggesting that you become an adrenaline junky or get involved in any dangerous activities. The point I would like you to take away from this is that when you challenge yourself and face your fears, you are able to prove to yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to, one step at a time.

If you are avoiding something, feel stuck, or feel anxious, try challenging yourself. All fears can be conquered if you face them head-on. Sometimes they need to be approached a little bit at a time, and may require the support of another person, or possibly a mental health professional, but it can be done. I wouldn't recommend jumping into a snake pit if you have a fear of snakes, but think about ways in which you can overcome the fears that are challenging you and causing you to be stuck in life. The amazing thing about conquering fears and successfully completing challenging tasks is that the confidence you build and the empowered feelings you experience spill over into other areas of your life as well. You can slowly chip away at whatever is holding you back and prove to yourself that you can do anything you set your mind to, which will only lead to more and more opportunities to seek, accomplish, and grow.

So make sure that the harness is tightly and safely attached to your body and the rope (be sure to prepare and think through how you are going about facing the challenge at hand), ensure that you are safe and supported (always make sure that you are being careful and thoughtful about your decisions), and jump (face that fear and take the leap)!! You won't regret it!

Sound exciting to you? Worried that you can't do it? How will you challenge yourself?

A lesson from a pair of feet

There are times in life when we are unaware that we need any help or extra support. This lack of awareness can lead to even bigger problems in the future and at times, can be disastrous. Not only do we have to be aware of our needs and challenges, but we also have to take the leap of faith to do something about it, and take care of ourselves as needed. We must be willing to invest the time, money, and effort to alleviate the obstacles that we come across in order to live more fulfilling, and at times less painful, lives. Let me share with you my recent experience that lead me to this epiphany.

I tend to wear the same pair of sneakers until the bottoms are almost completely worn away. I'm not sure if it's due to disinterest in spending the money on a new pair when I don't have a lot of extra money, or if it's a lack of awareness of the importance of having good support for my feet when walking, running, or working out, or if I just stop paying attention to the condition of my sneakers because I'm so used to wearing the same pair. Whatever the reason, it was quite a wake-up call when I finally came to the realization that my sneakers were not properly supporting me and I was having resulting pains in my hips and knees.

A couple of months ago I went to a specialty running store and had my feet and stride examined so that I could buy some long-overdue new sneakers. I thought that maybe my worn-down shoes had something to do with the pain that I was experiencing. The Physical Therapist who assessed my feet using some fancy digital imaging, pictures, videos, etc., informed me that I had extremely high arches. Who knew?? I wondered how I had gone through my whole life so far being completely unaware that I had very high arches which required extra support. I was somewhat doubtful that buying a new pair of sneakers and including one of their expensive arch support insoles was really going to do the trick, but I trusted the PT and went for it. Low and behold, I have been able to walk and run with minimal to no pain in my knees and hips from then on! What a relief, and a surprise!

So here is the epiphany that I had as a result of this experience:

• It was well worth the money spent to buy great sneakers with special insoles for my high arches because of the resulting decrease in pain.


• It was necessary to see a specialist who was able to assess my feet in order to determine what the problem was that was causing me the pain.


• An awareness of the condition of my feet resulted from taking the time out to take care of myself.


• I learned how to properly support my feet, consequently decreasing physical pain in my knees and hips.


• I have gained a greater enthusiasm for running and love putting on my sneakers now because they're so much more comfortable than any other pair of shoes I own, and I know I won't be hurting after I take them off.

So how does this all translate to the world of Counseling and mental health? I see direct parallels between an instance such as this which involved a physical need, and the psychological needs that we have. If an individual, couple, or family is unable or unwilling to identify that there is a problem, then they are not going to take the step to get help. In direct comparison with the sneaker experience:

• People often do not want to spend their money on taking care of themselves, but the rewards can be endless and extremely effective in helping to alleviate psychological symptoms, behavioral problems, relationship difficulties, and improving overall quality of life. How can you really put a price on that?


• Sometimes people do not know exactly what is wrong with them, they just know that something is not right. They may not have a name for what they are feeling or experiencing, and their friends and family may not be able to understand or help them either, therefore, a mental health specialist can be very helpful.


• People get so busy with the daily grind that they do not take the time out to really take care of themselves, whether physically, mentally, spiritually...


• Having the tools to alleviate symptoms is crucial in feeling better, and a therapist can help with discovering and applying the tools needed to decrease or eliminate symptoms, change negative behaviors, or improve communication in relationships.


• Taking care of oneself and having the correct tools to make a change can immensely increase an individual or family's quality of life and relationships. A new enthusiasm for life can be found due to receiving support and learning new ways to cope.

You may want to ask yourself these questions in order to figure out if you could use a professional to talk to:

"Is there something that has been bothering me that I could really use someone to talk to about it?

"Have I been feeling kind of "off" lately and want to feel like my normal self again?"

"Have I been feeling down, anxious, or overwhelmed lately?"

"Isn't it worth the investment of time and money in order to feel great and improve my life?"

Discovering and Releasing Stress

STRESS is a word that is thrown around often and has so many different meanings to different people. Some will describe themselves as being "stressed-out" or "under a lot of stress." Others will say that they have "stressful lives" or that they are "a stress case." They may be "going through a stressful situation" or are feeling "overwhelmed by stress." Any way you state it, it all boils down to the same thing, something is off balance in your body or mind. If you can identify the stress (they always say that the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?) then you can actively take steps to reduce the stress to live a happier and more fulfilling life.


STRESS can be identified by really paying attention to what is going on in your body, mind, mood, and behaviors. For some, stress may be felt in the physical body in the form of tight muscles, or even clenching. You may suddenly find yourself clenching your fists, or tightening your jaw. You may have tension headaches or tight muscles in your back or neck. For others, they may notice frequent stomach aches, feeling overly tired (even when getting a sufficient number of hours of sleep), or they may be more irritable and impatient than usual. Some people experience signs of depression when they are stressed, such as feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, increased or decreased appetite, lack of interest in normal activities, feeling overwhelmed, or increased crying spells. Likewise, some experience stress in their bodies through anxiety symptoms, such as feeling on-edge, an increase in worries, possible panic attacks, or feeling shaky and nervous. When people are feeling "stressed out" they may have an increased urgency to get things done and may have a lot of trouble relaxing, and consequently trouble sleeping. At the extreme level on a continuum of stress, a person's health can also be at risk, including an increase in stress hormones which can alter brain chemistry leading to depression, increased negative thoughts, and an increase in the likelihood that overall health will be negatively effected. Stress has been proven to be connected to development and continuation of cancer, heart disease, and a decrease in the power of the immune system to fight off illnesses. If these reasons are not enough for you to want to change your ways and decrease your stress level, I don't know what is!!


So now that I have basically forced you to focus on all of the negative aspects of stress (sorry about that!) I hope you have a better understanding of how stress is recognized. I bet you would be surprised at how stressed your body feels if you try laying down in a quiet place and scanning your body from head to toe to locate the tension in your body. I challenge you to give it a try! Are you clenching your fists? Is your jaw closed tight? Do you feel a knot in your stomach? As you scan through your body, tell yourself to let go of each individual section. If your jaw is tight, let your bottom jaw slightly drop open. Open your hands and face your fingers upwards, letting your arms fall next to your body. Let go of the tension as you find it, hiding in any area of your body. When your body is relaxed, it is impossible for stress to exist at the same time, so you may want to try this exercise frequently to make sure that you are not holding tension and stress in your body.

Letting go of the tension in your body is very important in order to feel relaxed and at peace. It is also important, however, to understand how your thoughts effect your body's reaction to and ability to cope with stress. Many things can influence how we react to any given situation, including past experiences that relate to a current situation, your mood at the time, and your perspective about the situation. For example, if you were ever involved in a car accident while it was raining, your brain may interpret rainy days as dangerous and you may feel anxious while driving in the rain. Before you had the accident, a rainy day may have been like any other day, but the negative experience of being an accident has resulted in added stress to this event. An argument with your son or daughter could feel like the end of the world if you have already been facing many stressful encounters that day. If you are trying to get over an illness and are already feeling irritable and on-edge, then getting stopped at every red light on your way to work in the morning can compound the stress of the day. Recognizing how your thoughts effect your emotions is very helpful in reducing stress and coping with potentially stressful situations.



Just as you pay attention to physical signs in your body to identify where your stress is being held, you can pay attention to your thoughts to understand how you are contributing to how much you are effected by any given situation. Are you thinking the worst of everything without any actual evidence that you should be thinking this way? Are you assuming that your day is going to be horrible because of one unfortunate cirumstance, such as dropping a glass of water on the floor before you leave for work in the morning? Do you always expect yourself to do poorly in everything you try? Do you assume that other people don't like you? These are just a few examples of negative thoughts and misconceptions that can lead to the negative thinking that results in stress. If you have already made up your mind that today is going to be horrible, and then you have to stop at every red light on the way to work, and you fear that you are going to be late for work and possibly get fired, you are thinking the worst possible scenario which will increase your stress level. The next time you catch yourself thinking negatively, stop yourself and challenge these thoughts. Monitor your own thinking and question whether or not these thoughts are true, and whether or not it is going to help you in this situation to expect the worst. How about this? You drop a glass of water, think to yourself that you need to clean it up so you don't cut your feet, and then just do it. Get in the car, relax by taking a few deep breathes, and drive to work. If you hit every red light on the way, you can take some deep breathes and remind yourself that you can only go as fast as the traffic conditions and lights will allow, so worrying is not going to change anything. Most likely, if you think positive, you will get to work on time, will feel relaxed and ready to start the day, and will have a good day because that is what you are expecting to happen!



Now that you hopefully have a better understanding of how you experience stress, how you can detect it, and how you can alleviate it, practice on your own. Let me know how it goes!

MENTAL health- Big Bad Word or Just a Part of All of Us?

When we hear the word "health" we rarely think about our mental health and emotional well- being. We think of eating healthy in order to avoid being overweight, which we know can cause such health problems as diabetes, heart attacks, and high cholesterol. We think of going to the doctor when we have a fever and have been feeling sick for days. We think of getting checked out if we find an odd lump or notice something different about our bodies. Are we ashamed to go to the doctor to make sure everything is okay? Are we afraid to get antibiotics if we have an infection that needs to be fought off with medication? No, for the most part, when you are talking about the health of Americans, it is not an embarrassing or unacceptable practice to see a medical doctor for our health needs. It has become "normal" customary practice to see doctors regularly for check-ups and especially to see a doctor when something is different in our bodies. When it comes to our mental and emotional well-being, however, it seems to be an entirely different story.

We know that there are connections between the mind and body and I think it would be difficult for anyone to argue the fact that this connection exists. I'm sure if I tried searching for a person who did not ever have the experience of feeling the effects of their thoughts inside their body, it would be impossible to find such a person. For example, have you ever thought about something that you were nervous about, such as doing a presentation in front of a class, or going to the dentist, and you got a stomach ache? Or someone tells you a graphic story about someone they know breaking their leg and seeing the bone pop out of the skin and you start to feel queasy? Or you were worried about approaching your boss for a promotion and felt really anxious, but then you gave yourself a pep talk and convinced yourself that it was going to be okay because you deserved this promotion, and then suddenly realized you weren't afraid anymore? These are all examples of times when you experienced the connection between your mind and your body. So if we know that there is a connection between your thoughts and feelings and the resulting reactions in your body, then how can we say that this connection does not effect your health? And if the connections between your mental health and physical health are connected, then why is there such a stigma against going to get help for mental health concerns? It seems that it should be a regular part of our health check-up and seeing a mental health professional should be a part of our regular routine of self-care. Our mind is connected to our bodies in a way that cannot be separated and neither can survive without the other.

Now you may be asking, how do I know when I need to see a mental health professional(meaning a Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist, Social Worker, Counselor, etc.)? It's not like you can take your temperature to find out if you're depressed. Or take a urine test to find out how anxious you are. Understanding and monitoring your mental health is not as straightforward as keeping tabs on your physical health. This is also a topic that can (and probably will be very soon!) an entire blog entry of its own. To explain briefly, changes in your behavior, thoughts, mood, interests, eating or sleeping habits, and relationships with others are good places to start in terms of looking for signs of problems developing within yourself in a mental capacity. The point here is that we need to get to the point where it is acceptable and completely normal to understand our mental health, be able to talk about it, and take care of it.

Why do you think people are afraid to speak freely and openly about their mental health, when it really boils down to being just one part of themselves?

Untangling the Web of Mental Health Professionals

So many mental health professionals to pick from, so little time. I have answered these questions numerous times, as I'm sure many mental health professionals have: What is the difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist? What do Marriage and Family Therapists do in comparison to Social Workers? How do I decide who I should see?

To begin with, it seems important to understand that Psychiatrists are the only ones who can prescribe medication. They are trained as medical doctors and have to do rotations just as all medical doctors do, but they specialize in mental health disorders, diagnosis, medication prescribing and monitoring, etc. Although your general practitioner can prescribe medication, it is often a good idea to see a Psychiatrist for medication to treat a mental health issue as this is their specialization. Psychiatry can also be broken down into Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Adult Psychiatry. As medication can differ for children and adults, it is a good idea to see a Psychiatrist who specializes in the age group in which you, or your family member, falls. A Child Psychiatrist may be more knowledgeable about how large of a dose to give to a child, what side effects could be more prevalent in children, and how long it will take their bodies to adjust to beginning medication and tapering off of it. Psychiatrists sometimes conduct individual therapy in addition to prescribing and monitoring medication, although many focus specifically on working with patients to find the best medication to meet their needs. Psychiatrists can help with more mental health issues than you probably care to read about right now, but it can range anywhere from mild anxiety, sleep disturbances, and slight depression, to Obsessive Compulsive tendencies, hallucinations, or phobias, to name a few. In addition, the best way to ensure that you are receiving thorough treatment would be to allow your Psychiatrist to communicate with your therapist so that they can work together and make sure that they are on the same page. You can sign a release of information so that they may communicate about your treatment.

Next up are the Psychologists. They are in fact doctors, but they aren't medical doctors as Psychiatrists are, they are either Doctors of Philosophy (with a PhD) or Doctors of Psychology (holding a PsyD). It seems that a couple of states allow Psychologists with proper training to prescribe medication due to a shortage of available Psychiatrists, but for the most part, and definitely in California at this point, Psychologists are not involved in prescribing medication. Psychologists can be found in universities doing research and/or teaching, or they may work in a clinical setting providing Psychotherapy. There are several different specializations of Psychology, but the ones that you find in a therapeutic setting are most often Clinical Psychologists or Counseling Psychologists. Not only can they diagnose and treat mental disorders by providing therapy with many different theoretical perspectives and techniques, but they are also able to conduct assessments that help determine such things as Learning Disabilities, Mental Illnesses, Intelligence, and Developmental Disabilities, to name a few.

Last but not least, people often get confused about what the differences are between Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW) and Marriage and Family Therapists (MFT). In order to be able to call yourself an LCSW or MFT, you have to have a Masters Degree and have completed very specific requirements, including thousands of hours of supervised clinical experience, and have passed a licensing exam. The differences in the training of Social Workers and Marriage and Family Therapists can be quite varied or very similar, depending on the graduate program that they attend and the internships and work experience that they are exposed to. In general, Social Work programs may focus a bit more on accessing resources and services in a person's environment while also treating mental illnesses through the use of therapy. MFTs are trained to provide therapy for mental illnesses along with relationship issues and often utilize a systems approach to understanding and treating mental health issues. Overall, it is difficult to clearly distinguish between the professions because there is a significant amount of overlap between them.

Are you still with me here? Hopefully you are not completely confused by the descriptions offered here on the simiarities and differences between Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Social Workers, and Marriage and Family Therapists. Due to the fact that there is such a huge overlap between the mental health disciplines, it is important to keep many points in mind when trying to pick a therapist. Ask yourself some questions while shopping around for a therapist and trying to pick one:

• Is their education level important to me?


• How long do I want to be in therapy? Do I want to take my time dealing with this issue and my past, or would I like to focus on the present and find a solution fairly quickly?


• Am I comfortable with this person's personality? Do I feel at ease with them and do I feel accepted and respected by them?


• What is their therapy style and is that going to be a good fit for me?


• What experience do they have with the issue that I am going to them with?

Ultimately, make sure that you are comfortable with the person that you decide to see so that you will be able to open up to them about personal concerns and feel that you can trust them. It is a lot easier to determine which therapist is going to be the best fit for you if you go on your gut instinct and level of comfort, rather than just by what degree or license they possess. If you are feeling uncomfortable with something, the best way to approach the situation is usually to discuss your concerns with your therapist before making a determination that you want to switch therapists, but it is your right to do so. Good luck with your search!

Turtles Know Best

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you drove for 20 minutes and couldn't remember any of the drive once you arrived? Or you scarfed down a meal in a hurry and then it occurred to you that you didn't taste anything you just ate? Well it happens to us all from time to time. It's difficult in today's fast-paced, fully-booked, and technology-driven world to slow down and really notice what is around us. When you're in a state of automatic pilot, you may be on a mission to get somewhere or to do something important, but in the meantime, you are missing the present. As the popular saying goes, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why we call it the present." This could not be more true, but we often forget to embrace the present moment in the hustle and bustle of every day life. Learning how to be more mindful can really increase your quality of life, as well as the quality of your relationships, your happiness, and even your health!

What does it mean to be "mindful?" Well, this term is often used along with meditation, meaning that you pay close attention to such things as your breathing and focus in order to slow yourself down and clear your mind. When you are taking a walk, you can be more mindful and observant of your surroundings by "getting out of your head" so to speak, and noticing the little things around you. Look at the beautiful flowers growing in your neighbor's garden, notice the scent of the ocean, feel your muscles work hard as you climb a steep hill. Noticing the little things around you (or in your body) will help you to feel grounded, reduce stress and anxiety, and most of all, help you to appreciate each moment as it comes. Likewise, listening attentively to what a friend, family member, or partner is saying to you can help to improve your relationship, as they will know that you care enough to put your focus on them. This will make them feel important and special, and can only improve the quality of the relationship. Giving another person this type of attention and quality time is the best gift you can give them, and it will feel great when it is reciprocated as well!

Now you may be wondering why a picture of a turtle was included with this article. Not only do I think that they have the right idea by taking their time getting from place to place (not to say that people should be late, but slowing down the pace can help with observing your surroundings) but I also wanted to share the beautiful details in the turtle's shell. I'm assuming that the average person has not spent very much time looking at turtles' shells, and this seems to be a great example of a time when it would be great to be mindful of what is around us. If we rushed past it, we wouldn't have been able to observe or appreciate the natural beauty that has been there all along.

I encourage you to try it for yourself- sit quietly and observe the colors as you watch the sunset, while taking some slow, deep breathes. Smell the scent of the roses the next time you pass by a rose garden, and really breath it in. Listen closely to what your child is telling you and give them your full attention by facing them and maintaining consistent eye contact. I bet you will notice a feeling of satisfaction and calm come over you from making these small changes in how you use your time.

The Beginning

Where do you begin when you want to start something totally new? You've always wanted to do something, like get into a new career, move across the country, start a new hobby, go back to school, etc. For me, the new beginning is developing my own private practice as a therapist. It is something I have always wanted to do--I mean think of the freedom and flexibility that comes with working for yourself! It comes with a lot of responsibility, of course, but this new chapter in my life has been a long time coming. I'm entering it with excitement, passion for helping people, enthusiasm, creative juices flowing, and many questions about how it will go. I've learned though, in the past few years, that when you really want to do something, you have to just start somewhere. It may sound really simplistic, but the starting is often the most difficult part. It takes one step at a time to reach our goals. Baby steps sometimes. But once you begin to accomplish those little goals and get that sense of satisfaction and joy that comes from seeing your hard work and dreams come to fruition, it ignites a fire in you that leads the way for continued steps and achievements. It's the challenges that you overcome and the fears that you face that bring you the most happiness, confidence, and sense of accomplishment. Isn't that what life is all about?

Having received my Masters in Counseling 10 years ago, I thought I would be licensed and working for myself several years ago. I suppose I had many goals to achieve and dreams to bring to life, so my professional goals took a backseat to my personal goals. I had always wanted to live somewhere that was warm and sunny most days with the ability to be outside almost any day of the year, rather than stuck in the rain, snow, and cold weather that I experienced for most of my life in New Jersey. In 2004, I finally built up the courage to make the big move across the country to (usually sunny but not so much this week) San Diego. Along with this great move and ability for a fresh start in an amazing new city, I ended up a few steps behind in my career. Many obstacles were thrown in my way, as I had to repeat many hours of supervised experience that I had already done in NJ, as well as take additional classes to meet the requirements of California. This was a long and expensive road that I traveled down, but rest assured, it has helped me to prepare for the new big step in my life and career, private practice. I have also learned along this long and often bumpy road, that it is the most difficult of circumstances that have made me into who I am today. It has given me the confidence to continue on toward my goals, rather than turning around and going in a different direction. It has made me stronger and tougher and ready to face the challenges ahead.

With all of that said, I hope that I can assist others in overcoming challenges, leaping over obstacles rather than tripping and falling on them, and making their dreams come true. I'm confident that I can help others to identify whatever is getting in their way and help them to work through those issues, whether it is relationship problems, depression, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed with stress, having trouble starting on their goals, or whatever it may be. I have also learned that it is very important to appreciate the little things and feel grateful for what we have---I have always wanted an ocean-view office and now I have an ocean view blog, so that is a start, right?! :)